How to Use Emotional Intelligence to Manage Diabetes

Emotional intelligence is about being aware of your emotions and those of the people around you. When you understand what is driving your emotions and how to manage them, it can make a big difference in your life. This is especially important when you have diabetes and are dealing with difficult feelings around it.

I'm guessing that when you were diagnosed with type two diabetes, your first reaction probably wasn't "Yay. Oh, I'm so excited. I can't wait to tell everybody, oh, what a thrill." No. More likely, it was fear, depression, maybe some anxiety and then maybe some anger and frustration at having to deal with this complicated illness.

What is emotional intelligence? I'm reading this book, Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goldman, PhD, and wow is it packed with a lot of great information.  The gist of it is that emotional intelligence is really being aware of your own emotions and understanding the emotions of the people around you.  There are at least three characteristics of emotional intelligence: Self-awareness, Self-regulation, and Motivation.

Self-awareness is "how do I feel? What am I experiencing right now?"

Self-regulation is "how can I manage this terrible anger that I feel without hurting myself or hurting somebody else."

Motivation is "how do I motivate myself to interact with others in an understanding and caring way."

Now, when you think about the state of the world today, at the end of 2021, we are experiencing tremendous fear and anger and violence. And it's happening all over the world. It doesn't help that we've been in this pandemic now for two years. With the isolation where people were at home by themselves for long periods, it's easy to lose track of who you are, what you're feeling and how to interact in the world. When you employ emotional intelligence, three things come out of that.

One is the ability to accept criticism and responsibility.

Two to move on after you've made a mistake.

Three to say no, when you really need to.

In Daniel Coleman's book, he has this section called "Aristotle's challenge." I'm just going to read this quote. "Anybody can become angry, that's easy, but to be angry with the right person to the right degree at the right time for the right purpose and in the right way, that is not easy." -Aristotle

Most of the time, in my experience, when I'm angry at somebody else, I'm really angry at myself for doing something stupid or wrong, making a mistake and feeling, ashamed of it. But those feelings are coming from me. In the past, I've really worked hard to project them onto somebody else, even though I know it wasn't their fault, it's mine.

So how do you use this information to help you manage your diabetes?

Think about all the times that you weren't able or willing to take care of your diabetes. When you felt like "I don't care what I eat. I don't care what I drink. I don't care if I exercise." Ask yourself, what were you feeling at that time? What was your emotional state at that time? When you can start to really nail this down, you'll be able to self-regulate, you'll be able to say "okay, let me step back a little from the brink here and do something different because this 'not taking care of myself' isn't going work."

What are some things you can do to try to get clear on what you are feeling and how do I manage it?

The first thing to do is  breathe, to do mindful breathing. This is where you focus on your breath and just breath in and out in and out. Your thoughts are going to go off into many directions. Just notice that and come back to the breath, always back to the breath. The more you practice, the better off you'll be in a situation where things get out of control.  You can step back and say, "wait a minute, let me see what's going on here" and just breathe.

Second, practice meditation.  Sitting in that space of calm and quiet is a safe place to sit for a while and connect with how you are feeling and perhaps what is driving those feelings.

Third, there's journaling. This is the kind of thing where you can put down all your thoughts.  Maybe you'll go back and read it again or just put down how you're feeling. When you're done with it, you can reread it, rip it up, throw it away or burn it.  Just getting that energy out can be enough to help you calm down a bit and think more clearly.

Finally, talk to somebody.  Talk to your friends, your family or a counselor.  Talk to trusted people who will listen, who will not judge you and will not give you advice. They'll just support you in by listening.  This gives you the opportunity to work through what you are feeling out loud.

Give it a try and see how it works for you.

Thank you so much for listening and have a great holiday.

Dr Elaine

 For more information, read “Emotional Intelligence” by Daniel Goleman, PhD.

 Download my free 30 Day Guide to Manage or Reverse Type 2 Diabetes 

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This information is for educational purposes only and is not intended to replace the medical advice of your doctor or healthcare provider. Please consult your healthcare provider for advice about a specific medical condition.

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